Red Eyes
by m00mt00n
Summary: He was fire. He was blazing, blazing, blazing with his will, (will, will, will of fire always flies past the unnoticed). He would turn their world upside down, at least that's for sure. Gravity Falls & Naruto crossover. Rated M for violence. Includes most of the Gravity Falls characters.
1. So Hi I Found A Weird Thing

This was not how normal mornings usually go. At least not in Gravity Falls.

Dipper rubbed his half-awake eyes, wondering if he was still sleeping. Looking inside their kitchen again, he found that, no, this was not a dream. Not daring to inch any closer, he chose to observe from a distance. Dipper stared at it.

It stared back.

 _Alright, this certainly isn't normal,_ thought Dipper as he reached for a broom several feet away. _This is supernatural, and I might be the first one who will experience this._ His hand found his objective and he moved it forward, in an attempt to poke the thing.

A _whoosh_ and a dull _thud_ next to his ear proved two things: _a)_ this thing should not be disrupted and _b)_ it had good aim. Further study should be led.

Dipper let go of the broom and inspected the doorway. It had several metallic knives of some sort stuck in it. Dipper raised an eyebrow on their queer shape and proportions, before turning back to the thing. A torn hood covered most of its face, but he could make out two glaring orbs of red.

 _How interesting._

###

Dipper struggled to keep his balance as he managed to walk to the kitchen door without dropping any packets. Heaving a sigh of relief and dumping them at the entrance, he turned to face the thing. It was deceptively humanoid, but Dipper was not exactly sure — the cloak concealed most of its anatomy, what if it had crab pincers for arms?

It continued staring at him with mild interest before its attention shifted to the pile of goods on the floor. Dipper followed its gaze and shook his head, remembering his original purpose. He dug out a simple loaf of bread and waved it in front of the thing.

"So. I guessed you were hungry so I brought some of Grunkle's secret stashed food. In return, just let me come closer, okay? I'm thirsty and I'm _not_ drinking out of the bathroom sink."

The shining pair of eyes blinked. They continued to stare.

"Uh… Let me explain again," Dipper thought for a moment. How to explain it simpler? "I will," He pointed at himself and then emphasized at the loaf in his hands. "Give you some food. And you," Dipper pointed at the thing. "Will let me examine you and come closer. Understand?" Miming the walking action with his fingers, Dipper pointed at it again.

More staring. Then—

Was it nodding? Yes, it was, it seemed to jerk his head the slightest bit, did that mean… Was he allowed to come through?

Dipper scratched his head. _Guess we're doing trial and error._ He extended the sacrificial loaf of bread before him and inched forward. So far so good, he hadn't been stabbed yet. Halfway through the way, the bread disappeared from his hands. Dipper looked up, surprised. Did the wind push it off? Did it fall on the floor?

His gaze turned to the thing. _Oh,_ he thought as the lost bread registered in the thing's pale hands. It had snatched it away apparently, though Dipper had no idea how did it manage from such a distance.

The thing inspected the offering. As if making sure there were no tricks, it tapped on the bread. Deeming it worthy, the creature unstuck the previously thin pieces of string that were somehow attached to the bread ( _so that's how it grabbed it, huh_ ) and lifted it up to its hood.

Crunching sounds ensued. In less than a minute, a whole loaf of bread the size of Dipper's arm disappeared, leaving only crumbs behind.

Dipper watched, enthralled. When the thing looked at him again, he came to a conclusion. Shuffling back to the doorway, he grabbed more items. The creature perked up, watching him with even more intensity.

"Alright, so this is the deal. I give you more food and in exchange, you're gonna let the hood down." He pretended to take off an imaginary hood.

The creature surveyed him, balancing out its options. At last, it gave another jerk of its head.

And again Dipper went, this time holding a packaged bag of chips. The thing scrutinized him, and Dipper wondered how did he even manage to get a deal. The creature looked bigger and stronger, and yet, it was obeying.

He opened the bag, a small _pop_ echoing across the room before handing the chips to the creature. In a split second, it grabbed them before scanning the food again. Dipper did not back down, pulling up a chair from the table a respectable distance from it.

It hesitated. A deal was a deal, though, and in the next moment it threw aside its cloak and gazed warily at the boy.

Dipper squealed.

###

In the one hour they were alone, Dipper managed to learn a whole entire megaton on the creature. The creature was a human for one, with sharp aristocratic face features and long tresses of black hair kept in a ponytail. If Dipper had to guess age, he'd say that the human was a teen, sixteen or older.

But that did not explain other things, such as the red glowing eyes that later faded to usual black

Or the deeply seasoned hardness behind his eyes.

Or the fact that he did not utter a single word ever since Dipper found him.

Perhaps he was deaf? That would explain the lack of understanding of the most common language.

But when he asked for his name, the stranger did try to mutter syllables. That lead Dipper astray. He tried again, this time louder.

"What's your name?"

Silence followed. "Dipper Pines." The said boy motioned at himself. Then he pointed at the stranger. "You?"

The teen blinked in understanding, before giving a bow as he muttered something. Fluttered at such display of high respect, Dipper laughed the slightest bit.

He tried to repeat. "Itachi? No last name?"

Itachi tensed.

"Oh, um, if you don't want to tell it's okay, I understand." Dipper waved his hands, feeling as if he overstepped his boundaries. "But it's nice to know you do have a name."

Itachi turned his head to the side, relaxed and easygoing. He probably did not understand half of the things Dipper said, guessing only by intonation and gestures. His eyes fell on the now exposed side of the head, which for some reason, seemed to look darker and… _wet_?

Dipper gasped and scrambled to his feet.

" _Ohmygodyou'rebleeding!_ Come quick, we gotta look you over, follow me!" How could he not notice? That looked like a lot of ouch. He grabbed one of Itachi's sleeves and found a hand. Itachi stiffened. Dipper did not notice. He somehow managed to force Itachi after him, unaware of the amount of sharp dangerous weapons that happened to be in Itachi's hand.

Itachi quickly hid them a moment later, before the younger boy could notice, though. Dipper dragged him up the stairs, into a corridor and coming to a door. He opened it with ease and pushed Itachi in, closing the door behind them. He then proceeded to open a cabinet and take out the first aid kit that Soos was so helpful to provide.

"Now," He turned to Itachi, a wad of cotton in one hand and antiseptic in other. "How are we gonna do this?"

They had to clean off the blood first. Since it was a head wound, the only way they could do this without getting everything else wet was to turn on the shower and stick Itachi's head in. The wound was not deep and the skull had protected most of the head, but it was still bloody. It seemed to be a few hours old, dried blood sticking to Itachi's hair and scabs starting to form over the wound. They did not take Itachi's cloak off though, the raven shaking his head no when Dipper asked.

When the warm water poured gently on Itachi's head, Dipper expected him to scream or at least give a grunt of pain. The only visible sign that it _did_ hurt was Itachi's dilated pupils and the barely seen clenched jaw. Otherwise, he stayed perfectly still, allowing Dipper to wash the wound throughout.

The procedure went over before either of them could notice, Dipper anxious to get it over with and stop the pain. Digging out a clean towel out of another cabinet, Dipper handed it to the raven. Then he opened the med kit.

Turning back to Itachi, who by that time was slowly drying his hair, Dipper showed him the antiseptic and explained what was he going to do. Itachi nodded, his hand momentarily reaching for empty space next to his hip. Dipper shot a questioning glance but left the matter.

He walked up to Itachi. Getting the hint, the raven squatted slightly and let the younger boy dab the wad of cotton around the injury. Done, Dipper took out a bit of bandage and together, they somehow managed to tie it around Itachi's head.

Dipper clapped his hands together. "That's it! Change the dressing every day until it heals and it should be okay!" He said.

Itachi murmured something, bowing again. Dipper guessed it was a 'thank you', though he was still embarrassed with such formalities. Then Itachi looked him straight in the eyes, brows crossed and lips tight, dead serious.

Dipper cocked his head. "What is it?" Raising one eyebrow, he wondered what did the raven mean. "Something you want to tell me? Want more food?"

Itachi hesitated, seeming to decide against it. Dipper blinked, before waving his hands. "No, no, it's okay, tell me! You need something maybe? Like uh, sleep? Do you want me to find you a bed?"

Itachi frowned, obviously not getting a single word. Then he sighed and dropped his cloak. At first, Dipper did not notice anything. Itachi wore navy blue mesh armor with a simple white belt around the waist and dark blue pants. The clothes were obviously tattered with tears in lots of places, as well as caked with blood and mud.

And then Itachi turned around, exposing the angry slash from his shoulder to his mid-back, badly bandaged and facing a high risk of getting infected.

Dipper fainted.


	2. Gobblewonkers are back in town

Dipper awoke to bright sunlight filtering into his eyes, quiet voices, and a curious pressure in his elbow. Groaning, he stumbled out of them bed, only to sit back on it in surprise. He blinked a couple of times, wondering if he was still sleeping.

"Oh, hi, you're awake." The cheerful voice of his sister threw him back into reality. "We've been worrying you've hit your head too hard."

"Wha— What happened? Hit my hea—" He broke off mid sentence, staring at Itachi who was sitting next to Mabel.

The senior was obviously better now. The dark circles under Itachi's eyes were still there, but they seem to be fainter. The strange lines were also present. And his face… It seemed softer, somehow. Dipper blinked in surprise at seeing him in a much better condition.

"Oh y'know, I was in my room, arranging my color combinations for my future sweaters but I ran out of markers halfway through, so I went down the halfway to steal some from Soos," Mabel answered to his precious question. "So I passed the bathroom and guess what? You're lying on the floor and there is this good-looking guy who does not understand anything what I say and," She added in an obvious whisper, "I think I'm in love."

Itachi glanced at her curiously as she continued.

"So obviously as a better, responcibler sibling, I told him to pick you up, since you aren't exactly light, and now you're diagnosed with a severe case of blinded-by-the-hotness-itis." She shrugged. "Action had to be taken."

"First, 'responcibler' is not a word. Second," He paused, taking time to process her words. His ears turned red. "Wh-wh-wha— I don't — no! No wait, what—" He glared at her. "Mabel!"

She waggled her eyebrows suggestively, humming. Dipper sighed and shook his head. Rubbing his temples, he looked up again, taking in the who sight of their room.

"Wait," He paused. He squinted at the items strewn across the floor. "What the heck are you doing, Mabel?"

She waved her hands at him. "What? I was bored and I had to get acquainted with our guest better."

"But it doesn't mean you have to play these, uh, _girly_ games of yours!" Dipper motioned to the monopoly-like map with a bright pink telephone in the middle.

He could understand why young girls and females in general (especially Mabel's friends) liked to play-pretend, because come on, it was fun. He had to admit it was. Mabel had once pulled him in and gosh, he enjoyed himself (once he got over the fact he was talking with a robot over a fake phone).

But Itachi? The man looked to be _at least_ fifteen. Likely to be older. Perhaps even in his early twenties, how far could the stretch even be?

So why was he _winning in this game?_

"I told you, I was bored. And hot stuff is _good_ , especially counting that he probably never played 'Call Monophony'. He could've beaten the whole world," Her hand moved lightning fast, replacing one of her cupids and completely changing the course of the game. "If only he wasn't placed against _me_."

Dipper rolled his eyes in fond exasperation. Itachi blinked, once, twice, thrice, before looking up to Mabel with raised eyebrows, them raising even higher when she flashed a bright grin at him.

Dipper slumped. This was only the start of Mabel's summer romances.

* * *

Dipper always thought Grunkle Stan was the type to drive away unwelcome guests. But _no_ , turns out he _isn't_. The largest of a reaction they managed to get out of him when presented with Itachi was a small grunt and a mutter — "Eh, I suppose he could work here. I need more hands anyways."

And so it happened. The raven was employed and quickly given instructions on his job. Surprisingly, Itachi did not need a lot of explanations before getting to work quickly and efficiently. He even managed to put up the lost letter _S_ on their roof back on the sign!

To be honest, they managed pretty well together. Mabel seemed to understand Itachi more than ever, when she wasn't trying to woo him (at some point, Itachi realized she was flirting and casually escaped into the other room). To say the least, Dipper was amused at his sister's antics. Itachi only showed signs of fond exasperation and the slightest hints of fluster.

So far, they started on teaching him the English language — Dipper was impressed on the speed of Itachi's learning. Itachi seemed the type to watch from a distance, not interfering with the process until he was needed. Then again, there was pure, genuine concern in his eyes every time Dipper tripped over air or Mabel accidentally poked herself with her knitting rods.

Dipper could call him a friend.

However, with Itachi also came consequences. Some were harmless enough, like Dipper catching the older boy examine the dollar bills after his first paycheck. It raised some eyebrows in the house, as not even Stan could watch the paper cash so intently, mesmerized. He could only guess that Itachi never saw a dollar before, though that close to impossible.

Harmless pet peeves were okay. It was on a whole another level when they discovered some of his, _ahem_ , bolder ones.

To say the least, Dipper was tired of the smoke alarms going off at the worst time imaginable.

(He suspected Itachi was somehow connected with the random outbursts of water)

(There always seemed to be more than one Itachi whenever the alarms went off. Itachi could simply travel very fast around the house but still. Suspicious.)

Today was one of those times. Only it wasn't the smoke alarms, as every other time, _no_ , this time it was the _flipping knives flying out of the corner and trying to kill him!_

Itachi gave him the smallest of the apologetic winces.

* * *

Dipper wondered if Stan even knew how to drive, as they madly swung left to right. Sharp fingernail drove into his left shoulder and he winced.

Apparently Itachi did not like car rides at all.

He voiced his thoughts. "Eheh, ow, I see you don't really like moving by wheels, do you?"

Mabel snorted beside him. "Aww, come on Itachi, it's not that scary, you know it — _AAAAAAAAH—_ " She broke off mid sentence as the vehicle sharply veered right and jumped several feet in the air. They landed back on their seats, Itachi's breath coming out in quiet, quick gulps. Mabel blinked several times, still shaken.

Itachi's fingers tightened around Dipper's arm. "N-no."

Dipper groaned. God help them all, was Grunkle wearing an eye fold too?

* * *

Itachi's eye twitched visibly. Usually the raven haired never showed his emotions, with the slight exceptions of faint smiles, vague brow quirks, and sighs. Dipper did not know Itachi _that_ well yet, but even he could see that Mabel's freakish voice changing skills were, well, freakish.

"It's going awesome." Her deep voice generated the air as she moved the poor pelican's mouth up and down. Itachi shivered the slightest bit. "Baw btw _ba-baw-pow!_ " He cautiously threw a camera at the bird. It found its mark and the poor pelican tumbled over the board, camera tagging along.

Dipper's eye twitched. Eleven cameras. They had eleven cameras left.

It was going to be a long day, the Gobblewonker be damned or not.

* * *

 _AAAAAAAH!_ Screamed Dipper's mind as they passed through the waterfall and into the cave behind, the Gobblewonker on their tail. Water splashed everywhere as they managed to squeeze in. Itachi was nowhere in sight as the boat crashed against the bank inside and Soos, Mabel, and him tumbled out of the _S.S. Cool Dude_.

"Move!" Comes the clear command from behind them.

" _Katon: Gōkakyū no Jutsu!_ "

Dipper is flying back on the ground as burning hot air flies over him and his twin. Fire crackled somewhere above their spines, but still close, _too close_ to their bodies and threatening to burn them _burn them burn them burn everything turn them into ashes we're going to die die_ ** _die—_**

And then, silence.

Dipper cautiously opened his eyes to find he was still alive. Shaken, but alive. He comes to his senses almost instantly, realizing the Gobblewonker is stuck in the cave entrance.

Another pause of silence. Then—

"Shoot, where's the camera?" His frantic hands search his vest to come up with nothing, _shoot no no no not now this was their chance—_

His sister calms him down. "Boop," She says, smiling as she lifts up his hat and exposes the last camera sitting on his hair. Dipper laughs, slightly embarrassed, before taking a couple of shots.

"Didja get a good one?" Mabel asks him, grinning even brighter.

He nods, excited. "They're all good ones! Though," he paused and realization hits both of them like a truck as a familiar presence is felt behind them.

"Itachi! There you are, where did you go?" Mabel is first, as always, to recover. She flies at the raven-haired teen and hugs him tightly. "We were worried."

"Ah…" Itachi freezes for a moment, before awkwardly hugging her back. "I… Danger…"

Dipper cocks his head. "Huh?" He asks, wondering what on Earth was Itachi trying to say. Then, the puzzle pieces slowly came together in his brain.

"Oh wait… Wasn't it you who screamed 'move'? Cat-on? What was it? Gecko… Goke… Uh, you said something a while there," He narrows his eyes, turning back to the Gobblewonker who was still stuck in the entrance. "And this thing is on fire… That came from nowhere… Mabel, do you—"

But no one listened to him. Mabel was busy cheering over her share of five hundred dollars and Itachi was still staring at the Gobblewonker, his delicate brows furrowed. Dipper sighed, deciding that the matter was let go for now.

He would confront Itachi about this weird appearance later, however. That's for sure.

A/N:

Apologies to everyone who had to read the encoded-hard-to-read version! I posted this right before I went to sleep, sorry guys. really does not like me haha :'''')


	3. Wax Figures and Love Problems

Dipper decided that this was the saddest image of Grunkle Stan he had ever seen. No really, especially considering the fact that they were at the funeral of a wax figure.

Stan really had a giant ego, honestly.

"Kids, Soos, lifeless wax figures, thank you all for coming," The grave voice of their Grunkle even further lowered Dipper's moods. Itachi let out an almost silent sigh beside him.

"Some people might say it's wrong for a man to love a wax replica of himself," Grunkle continued and Soos instantly jumped up, protesting. Stan waved him away. "Easy Soos. Wax Stan," He holds in his tears as he moves his gaze to the wax figure. "I hope you're picking pockets in wax heaven," he wipes an eye, before suddenly breaking down.

Dipper gravely watched as he and Soos ran out of the room. Itachi gave out another sigh, before following after, his footsteps strangely silent on the creaking floor.

Why was he even here? Pathetic, trying to solve a mystery he couldn't even find an answer to. Such a detective indeed. Really, even Ducktective was a better investigator than he ever would.

He sighed. "Those cops are right about me…" He tells no one in particular.

Mabel's voice cuts through his sulking. "Dipper, we've come so far," Dipper mentally face palmed. She was using the 'determination' voice again. "We can't give up now."

He waves her words away. "But I considered everything: the weapon, the motive, the clues…" He glances halfheartedly into the coffin, before his eyes narrow. "Wax Stan's shoe has a hole in it…" For a moment his mind contemplated that perhaps Wax Stan committed suicide and cut off his head himself, but then his mind caught on and he remembered that wax figures weren't even alive.

God, he was such a loser-detective.

Mabel stares at him like he's an idiot (which he obviously is). "All the wax guys have that." She raises an eyebrow. "It's where the pole thingy attaches to their stand dealy."

And then it clicks.

(He is unsure how, but at the very least these wax figures have been giving him the chills from the first moment he saw them.

Perhaps it was never a coincidence.)

His eyes widen. "Wait a minute, what has a hole on its shoe and no fingerprints?" His mind is screaming the answer, screeching it into his head and he desperately prays that it isn't true—

"Mabel! The murderers are—"

And then it's too late.

"Standing right behind you!" Wax Holmes successfully blocked the only escape out of this room and finishes Dipper's thoughts. Other wax figures spring to life and Dipper shivers, their eyes glaring at him, _burning through his soul they're trying to kill him kill him kill him—_

Mabel's axe is torn away from her hands and Dipper realizes: they have nothing to protect themselves with.

They are doomed.

Holmes is continuing his slight monologue, which Dipper snaps in time only to hear the end.

"…the truth, and now we're going to bury you!"

His brain catches up to him and tries to beat some sense into his poor body. "B-but… how is this possible? You're made of wax!" Dipper says, desperateness in his voice betraying his more or less calm demeanor. Mabel whispers something about magic to his left, but Dipper isn't listening. He is tired of this crap, at the very least.

Wax Sherlock laughs, loud and bitter. "Are we _magic_? She wants to know if we're magic! We're _cursed_!" He proclaims, no longer laughing. The other wax figures parrot him and Dipper feels the chills run up and down on his spine.

"Cursed to come to life whenever the moon is waxing. Your uncle bought us many years ago at a garage sale." Holmes continues.

Wax Coolio picks on after him. "A haunted garage sale, son!" He nods vigorously and seems to have a flashback.

"The Mystery Shack Wax Collection was born. By day, we would be the playthings of man." Sherlock's voice became distant and Dipper was getting an impression he too, was under a flashback.

"But when your uncle went to sleep, we would rule da night."

"It was a charmed life for us cursed beings…"

"That is, until your uncle closed up shop. We've been waiting ten years to get our revenge on Stan for locking us away… But we got the wrong guy." Sherlock's fists curl.

The thoughts from earlier returned. Dipper's mind was back on track and racing towards the answer. "So, you're trying to murder Grunkle Stan for _real_?" _Wasn't that kind of messed up?_

His sister agrees with him, as if reading his thoughts. "You were right all along, Dipper! Wax people are creepy!"

Wax Holmes's eyebrows furrow, obviously unpleased. "Enough! Now that you know our secret, you must…" He pauses, before almost whispering the last word, " _die_."

He leaps at them.

And then.

Then.

Everything goes by a flash.

Only later, much later, would Dipper remember everything in horrific detail and see what happened as sudden fire engulfed them, not burning, no, but flowing _around_ them and melting all of the wax figures.

Only later he would remember how a voice, for a second time this week, screamed out a string of unfamiliar words or how a buzzing blue force field was around them.

Only later he would remember the stillness of air and the screams of wax figures melting around them.

Only later he would narrow his eyes and actually _think_ , think about the mysterious blaze of fire and it's origins.

As for now, the only thing that registered in his mind was that _hot hot hot warm I'm not dead yet!_

And then he was jolted back to the present, a familiar presence crashing into him and his sister, and… Embracing them?

Mabel coughed, unburned and untouched, but still in shock. She waved the smoke away, continuing to wheeze. "Ow, ow, hey Itachi," she meekly hugged him back.

Dipper shook his head. "Hah, right on time as always, Itachi." Why was everything spinning? And blurry too. Huh, where'd the wax figures go?

Itachi let go of them, his arms falling neatly on his knees, from where he was sitting on his legs. He glared at them. Then he rose up, ignored their winces and Mabel's " _God, he sure does have a scary aura,"_ and dragged them out of the room, muttering all the way. Dipper could not hear the words and he bet neither he would understand them even if he tried. Besides, Itachi's own tone already suggested he was not pleased.

The smoke alarms finally reacted in the formerly wax figure room and started sprinkling water everywhere just as they exited the room. Dipper face palmed. Trust it to Grunkle to install the cheapest smoke alarms in the house.

* * *

"Check it out, Dipper! I successfully bezazzled my face! Blink!" Mabel winks at him and winces a moment later, sequins flying off her face. "Ow."

Dipper raises an eyebrow. "Is that permanent?"

"I'm unappreciated in my time…"

He waves her off as the doorbell rings. "Somebody answer that door!" Grunkle yells at them from the other side of the house.

"Itachi!" They both scream together. The said person sticks his head from around the corner, where he had apparently been practicing katas and raises his eyebrow at them.

They learned about katas only a few days ago. Itachi has been doing them on their backyard when he and Mabel rushed in almost got skewered. Good thing Itachi caught himself before actually throwing a kick towards their heads but still. They were careful for a few days after that to never play tag blindfolded.

At the very least, he had explained it to them as best as he could. It was weird, as while Itachi's English has been getting better over time, it was still proving a challenge for them to understand.

It took them some time to realize these katas were used for fighting.

"Ninjas!" Proclaimed Mabel.

Dipper said "Unrealistic _,"_ and proceeded to explain. "Must be only some kind of tradition or hobby. Perhaps he is learning martial arts. But no ninjas. These are out of service for a long time."

Itachi only cocked his head at them. He did teach one to them (after countless minutes of begging), a movement he called _Kime-no-kata_ , and forced to practice for few hours in return for the his own disturbed session.

Thrown back into the present by Mabel's loud voice, Dipper blinked several times before motioning towards the door. "Get the door, please."

Furrowing his brows back at Mabel's glittery face, Itachi obeyed, and ignored her wink.

"Howdy." The smallest kid with the biggest hair Itachi had ever seen glances up at him. Itachi pauses, contemplating his life, before raising an eyebrow in a single question.

The kid's cool facade wavers for a moment, before seeming to refreshen. "Good day to you Mister, uh, Pines…?" The twerp's brow twitched at the lack of Itachi's response. "I-I'd like to see Mabel, please."

Itachi closed the door two thirds way through, leaving a crack between the door and the frame. The brat peeked inside not even a moment after and Itachi, without missing a beat, closed the door all the way.

"Mabel-san." He called softly. Mabel whirled around to face him. "Guest. Yours."

"Oh oh, alright, thanks 'tachi! I'll be there in a second."

Itachi nodded and returned to his katas. "Be careful."

"I will! Thanks again!" She disappeared outside. Itachi only sighed.

* * *

The door clamped shut, the bang echoing across the living room. Dipper faintly acknowledged Mabel was home, and not a moment later, ten manicured fingernails resembling claws dangled in front of his face. "Hey Dipper. What's goin' _oooon_?"

Dipper almost fell off the armchair, catching himself just in time. "Whoa, where have you been? And what's going on with those fingernails, you look like a wolverine."

"Who came?" Itachi called out from where he was, apparently in the kitchen. "Mabel-san?"

"I know, right?" Mabel giggled to herself, before glancing in the direction of their kitchen. "Imma go scare him. Let's see his reaction."

Dipper blinked at her. "You can't! He'll flatten you!" He whispered.

"We'll see who can run faster, will we, bro?" She grinned at him, before disappearing around the corner.

A shriek and a soft "Ah!" was the only thing Dipper managed to hear before fast-paced footsteps and a screaming Mabel dashed past him and outside. Then an even faster, blurry shape of Itachi raced past him, too nimble for Dipper to even make out the full body.

Dipper shivered. The aura Itachi was emitting… Mabel was screwed.

* * *

"It's not a date-date, it's just, you know, I didn't want to hurt his feelings and so I figured I'd throw him a bone."

Dipper rolled his eyes fondly. "Mabel, guys don't work that way. He's gonna fall in love with you." He clarified, before focusing back on their video game match. Damn, he was about to die, Mabel was _good_.

Itachi nodded. "Gleeful-san adores you greatly."

Mabel scoffs. "Yeah right. I'm not that lovable." She twists the controller. "Kaboom! Yes!"

"Okay, we agree on something here."

The doorbell rings for the second time that day and Mabel springs off her seat. A second later a scream is heard from the hallway and Itachi is up in less than a second. A faint _whoosh_ and a _crash_ pierces the air and Mabel's slightly estranged voice is heard all around the house.

"Itachi! It's Gideon, you can't — how did you even do that — you can't punch his horse out of our doorway!"

Dipper sighed. More problems on his shoulders.

* * *

The door slams again, Mabel walking in the room with a lobster. Raising an unimpressed eyebrow (Gravity Falls was a town so queer, he rarely was surprised anyway), he voiced the obvious question.

"Hey. How'd it go?"

"I don't know… I have a lobster now."

"Well, at least it's over and you'll never have to go out with him again." He pauses, her lack of a response tensing him. "Mabel? It's over, right? Mabel?

"BLAARRGG!" Dipper winced. Mabel always had a striking voice. "He asked me out again and I didn't know how to say no."

Itachi looked up from where he was examining yet another dollar bill under a lamp. "You forgot your language?"

She sighed and joined him, pulling out a chair at their table. "I-It's not like that, Itachi." She hurried her face into her hands. Itachi shot her a sympathetic glance. "And I do like Gideon, as a friend slash little sister, so I didn't want to hurt his feelings! I just need to get things back to where they used to be. You know, friends."

Itachi cocked his head. "Tell him. Kami-sama is kind to the honest people."

"Oh Itachi, if only what you said made sense."

* * *

Stan sighed and hanged up the clown painting on the wall. "I coulda had it all." His gaze slips on the twins and Itachi, who looked like they were hit by a bus. "What the heck happened to you three?"

"Gleeful-san."

"Gideon."

"Gideon."

"Gideon." Grunkle Stan growled under his breath. "Yeah, the little mutant 'swore vengeance' on the whole family. Ha, I guess he's gonna try to nibble my ankles or somethin'." Grunkle Stan rolled his eyes, before plopping on the armrest of the couch alongside the exhausted trio. Itachi flew up few inches off the seat as Stan's body landed next to him.

"Hn. Gleeful-san is very annoying."

"Oh, yeah. Yeah, how's he gonna destroy us now, huh? Try to guess what number we're thinking of?" Dipper laughed.

Mabel waved her hands. "He'll never guess what number I'm thinking of. _Negative eight!_ No one would guess a negative number." She smiled at them.

Dipper grinned back.

"I'm glad everything's back to normal now."


	4. Ghosts and More Love Problems

**Well hello people! The amount of inspiration i have for this story is incredible, if that continues I'll probably be done with it in… let's say… basic math hhhhhh… like about a month, maybe shorter (fingers crossed).**

 **Anyways, here is a brand new chapter! The episodes for these ones are #5 the Inconveniencing and #6 Dipper vs Manliness. It's recommended to go watch those before reading though, as reading it with the story does not seem to get the same affect.**

 **Enjoy~**

###

"Mabel, do you believe in ghosts?"

Mabel spun around on the globe. "I believe you're a big dork!" She laughed. Dipper frowned. The page in the Journal he was looking at was interesting, but did ghosts really exist? Rolling his eyes, he puts his pencil against the globe his twin was spinning on.

 _Crash._

Dipper smiled to himself. _Dipper: 1, Mabel: 0_

Grunkle Stan throws him out of his thoughts. "Soos! Wendy!" He called out. "I'm headin' out. You two are gonna wash the bathrooms, right?" His frown turns into a grin. Dipper shivered. Stan really had to learn how to smile.

"Yes, sir!" Soos is quick to react and throws him a salute.

"Absolutely not, sir!" Wendy is right behind him and mimics his salute.

Stan glares at them for a second, before heading back out with a final warning of 'staying out of trouble'. Dipper heaves a sigh of relief and turns back to the Journal. It was debatable if ghosts were actually real, but the evidence and the sheer amount of notes were... Astonishing, to say the least. The Author almost never failed to give valid explanations and that should be enough reason.

"Hey guys! What's this?" Someone's voice cuts through his thoughts again. Dipper turns his head into the direction of the sound, raising his eyebrows when Wendy unveils some random curtains. "A secret ladder to the roof?"

Soos follows her, nervousness showing in his body stature. "Uh," he tries to object, "I don't think Mr. Pines would like that."

Dipper cuts him off, wild excitement dancing in his eyes. _A secret ladder to the_ roof _?_ His lip twitches up. "Can we actually go up there?"

"Sure we can! Roof time! Roof time!"

He and Mabel are over and climbing the ladder in less than a moment, chanting after her. Dipper's heart races. They chant after her and try not to slip, the light from the gift shop leaving them. They climb in darkness for a few seconds, before there is a loud _thunk_ and light spills all over them.

"Whoa…" Dipper breathes as they climb out of the trapdoor and over to the other side of the roof. "Cool! Did you put all this stuff up here?"

Wendy winks at him and his heart flutters. "I may or may not sneak up here during work, all the time, every day." She throws a pine cone and hits a target on a totem pole. "Yes!"

Mabel raised her eyebrows and whistled, before running and grabbing a pinecone too. Her and Dipper both miss, the only difference with Mabel's pinecone was that Dipper's hits a car.

Wendy whistles. "Jackpot! High five." She holds up her hand. Her hair flows with the wind and Dipper stares at her, in a trance. "Don't leave me hangin'." He finally recovers and high fives her, the tip of his ears coloring a faint red.

"Does Pines-san know about this?"

Dipper jumps at the sudden appearance of the voice behind him, before sighing in relief. "God, Itachi, you scared me. When did you even have time to get up here?" He asks, slightly bitter Itachi ruined his moment.

Itachi had a weird knack for appearing in most random times. Dipper not once tried to get the older boy to confess the secret, but he failed. Every time.

"Nah, or he wouldn't have let me if he'd known." Wendy shrugs, before focusing on a completely new car pulls up in front of their house. "Oh hey, it's my friends!"

Itachi glances at the waving hand that appeared out of the car window, skeptic. Wendy shoots them a grin. "Hey, you guys aren't going to tell Stan about this, are you?" She asks hopefully.

Dipper smiles at her and pretends to zip his mouth while trying to elbow Itachi in the stomach and hope he gets the hint. Wendy's returning smile and similar motions make up for the fact Itachi moved away and he missed (dang it, he had some good reflexes).

And with that, she's off.

"Uh, oh!" Mabel wiggles her eyebrow at him, her smile unnerving him for some reason.

He scratched his neck. "What?" He asks, fearing of what was about to come.

She pokes him. "Somebody's in love!"

"Yeah, right! I just think Wendy's cool, okay? It's not like I lie awake at night thinking about her!"

"That is a lie, Dipper-san. You look at Wendy-san the same way Gleeful-san looks at Mabel-san."

Dipper facepalmed. "Oh no, Itachi, you too?" He rolls his eyes to the sky. Gods, why is this happening to him. His brain, slowed down and confused by all these san's finally catches up and shivers. "What the heck Itachi? I'm not _that_ creepy!"

Itachi's lips curl up in a rare smile and Dipper could see he was this close to laughing.

"Argh, come on guys!"

###

Gods must hate him, Dipper decided as he tried to protect his pride and ego from his sister's retelling of the 'Lamby Dance'.

Mabel continues, ignoring his angry whispering. "Dipper would prance around and sing a song about grazing." She waves a picture and Dipper wonders where did she get it from. Itachi quirks his brows in interest and the intensity of his gaze is creeping Dipper out.

Wendy glances at him, amused, her following comment cut off by a cuckoo clock. She blinks, before standing up. "Hey, look at that!" She grins. "Quittin' time! The gang's waitin' for me."

Itachi and Mabel both hum in acknowledgment and say their own goodbyes. Wendy grins at them and is about to leave the room when—

Then.

And then Dipper is running after her before his mind could catch up. "Wait!" His brain is screaming at him, _what are you doing what are you doing what are you doing stop stop STOP!_

Too late. "Why don't I-or we come with you?" The words are out of his mouth before he could even realize.

"Ooh... I don't know. My friends are pretty intense." Wendy rubs her chin. "How old did you guys say you are?"

"U-uh, we're thirteen! So, technically a teen." _What is he doing they're only twelve Dipper stop you're going to ruin everything—_

He points at Itachi. "And Itachi here is older than everyone here so I'd say he's a teen too." What was his guess? Seventeen? Sixteen?

Itachi frowns at him, probably displeased he got pulled into this. He is about to shake his head no and protest when Wendy cuts him off before he could even start. Dipper sighs in relief. After all, if he and Mabel screw up, Itachi would be able to save them. Distract him with his cool demeanor or something.

"All right. I like your moxie, kid!" Wendy says and brushes her hair out of her face. "Let me get my stuff and then we can leave, alright?" She's off and out of the room in seconds.

Mabel takes her chance. "Since when are we thirteen? Is this a leap year?" She cocks her head.

"Come on, Mabel," Dipper reassures her. "This is our chance to hang out with, you know, the cool kids. And Wendy and whatever."

"I knew it!" Mabel says before he could even finish his sentence. She jumps out of her chair and over the desk.

(Itachi's hands jerk in her direction before falling back in place when she lands safely.)

"You love her!"

Dipper sends a questioning look towards Itachi, before turning back to his sister. Mabel jumped around him and sang about love, all while teasing him.

Itachi only sends back an amused glance.

###

They are throwing jellybeans inside some poor Thompson's stomach. If he was honest, Nate could've felt sorry for the guy if only they had other forms of entertainment. Sadly, they didn't, so he supposed Thompson had to handle it until they found a better thing to do.

"In the belly! In the belly!" He chants along with Lee while holding up Thompson's legs. Yet another jellybean misses and he is ready to put down the poor guy when—

A green jellybean flies through the air and into Thompson's bellybutton. Even more surprisingly, Thompson topples over due to the force of the jellybean and its pure impact.

Nate wobbles a bit, trying to locate the source of the missile. Seemed to come from behind…

And then, he sees them.

"Wendy!" Comes the delighted scream behind him and he copies it. "Wendy! Wendy!"

She waves at them. "Hey guys! These are my pals from work, Mabel and Dipper."

Nate's gaze turns skeptical. _Pals from work?_ He wonders and raises his eyebrow. This 'Mabel's' declaration of chewing her gum so it looks like a brain did not do much for first impressions.

The other kid points at himself. "She's not much for first impressions. Unlike this guy!" They stare at him. The twerp withers. "This guy…"

Robbie is always the first to make a remark. "So are you, like, babysitting, or…" He trails off and Wendy snorts.

"Come on, Robbie!" She pauses and then switches the topic. "Guys, this is Lee and Nate." Nate waves and punches Lee in the stomach without missing a beat. "Tambry…" As always, she does not look up from her phone, "Thompson, who once ate a runover waffle for 50 cents."

"Don't tell them that!"

Everyone ignored him. "And Robbie. You can probably figure him out." Wendy concluded.

Robbie flicks his hair. "Yeah, I'm the guy who spray-painted the water tower."

"Oh, you mean the big muffin!" The sweaty kid, whats-his-name-Dipper exclaims.

"Um, it's a giant explosion."

They all glance at the water tower.

Lee laughs. "Kinda does look like a muffin!" Nate catches up too and together, they fill the clearing with chuckles. He pauses, feeling as if he didn't finish something.

Oh. Right. The strange presence behind Wendy. "Oh, and this is…?"

Wendy looks at him, question clear in her face, before looking behind her shoulder. She claps her hands together. "Oh right! Guys, forgot to introduce, this is Itachi."

Lee's laughter also cuts off as Itachi steps out from behind Wendy and gives them a slight nod. They stare at him for a few moments, Nate cocking his head.

Something was wrong about him. He looked human enough, with his black hair tied in a low ponytail and normal human structure, but something was off. Something he couldn't place his hand on, but it was very, _very_ wrong.

 _This guy is giving me the chills_ , Nate decided, before awkwardly waving at Itachi. "Hey there. Newbie?"

Robbie twitches at Itachi too. Nate supposes it's because he wasn't used to another, power-radiating male and snorts.

The few moments of awkward silence end and they all call out greetings, Robbie's tenser than others. Itachi stays silent in his turn. Nate feels that this man needs to be respected for some unexplainable reason.

Not that he was going to question it.

"Let's hurry it up, guys. I got big plans for tonight!" Wendy breaks them out of their quiet trance. They are shaken out of it and soon, the loud banter is back in place.

And yet, Nate could not help but notice how the smaller twerps were at ease with this Itachi. He wondered if he was their older brother, pushing the possibility to the back of his mind.

 _Better not to cross paths with this guy._

###

The air crackled around Itachi, murderous aura surrounding him. Dipper shivered as the temperature in the room seemed to drop several degrees, before jumping in surprise.

Itachi eyes were swirling red.

"Put. Mabel-san. Back. On. The. Ground." Itachi spat out, fury and warning mixing together in his voice. This was the angriest Dipper had seen Itachi ever become, and if he was honest, he was scared.

"Or what?" Possessed-by-ghosts-Mabel scowled at him. "I do not like your tone, young man."

Wendy whimpered next to Dipper. Itachi's cold voice wasn't something enjoyable, after all. "I will put you under Tsukuyomi," Itachi growled. "Do not make me do that."

The ghost laughed, the deep tone so unnatural in Mabel's body. Dipper wondered what the heck was 'Tsukuyomi' before ducking as another wave of flying objects rained on them. Itachi's eyes found his and less than a moment later his hands doing the weird symbols again.

A dome of blue fuzzing energy was around them again, reminding Dipper of that incident with the wax figures. "Wh-what?" He stuttered out, his eyes wide at this new type of protection. Was he sleeping? Yes, perhaps this was all a giant nightmare.

Itachi did not bother to clarify, instead of pulling up air into his lungs from where he stood next to them.

 _Hell, why are there more hand signs what the hell is happening get me outta here!_

Dipper's body reacted before his mind could.

"Wait!" He jumped in front of Itachi. "Whatever you gonna do, don't do it! You might harm Mabel, the thing possessing her, I-I don't know how, but it's not gonna harm it — you're only gonna hurt Mabel!" Dipper explained. "Just… Just let me solve this! I think I know what to do, please Itachi, you gotta trust me."

Itachi caught himself in time not to burn Dipper's body. He coughed, clouds of smoke rising from his mouth, but nodded. "Be careful." Crimson eyes stared at Dipper with burning intensity. "Be careful," Itachi repeated as if to get the message through, before letting go.

Dipper nodded, thankful, before turning back to the ghost.

"Hey, ghost! I got something to tell you! I'm not a teenager!"

Everything that was floating is suddenly crashing on the ground again. At least, with this strange force field surrounding Dipper, he got nothing to worry about it.

"Hohoho! Well, why didn't you say so?" The ghost says, finally showing his true form. Dipper blinks. This was the terrible scary spirit? He looked… like a grandpa.

Name tagged 'Pa' the ghost drops Mabel on the ground. Itachi is instantly over there and catches her in midair.

"How old did you say you were?" Pa asks, no longer hostile and in fact, looking quite interested.

Dipper gulps. Something tells him this would be very, very uncomfortable in a moment. Itachi only sighs in relief from across the room, Mabel safely tucked away in his arms.

 _This is going to be_ so _fun._

###

Everything was thankfully back to normal now. Dipper's head was still throbbing from his fall from the ceiling to the floor. Itachi had recovered, the only memories left of him in the fury-induced state were his tattered and dirty clothes. His eyes returned back to their normal, onyx color, and softened every time he glanced at one of the twins. At the moment he was sitting on one of the overturned shelves and holding an ice packet to Mabel's forehead.

He looked around. Everyone else seemed to be okay. Nate was finally out of the hot dog fryer and Thompson was somewhere under the dance machine. Lee and Tambry were already on their feet, and Wendy crawled out of the Pitt Cola hiding place. Robbie groaned from behind the overturned cashier.

Lee blinked at the bright light that turned back on when Pa and Ma left them in peace. "What…what happened after everything went crazy?" He shot a wary glance to Itachi, who at the moment, seemed to be the calmest one here.

Wendy, who also recovered a moment later, waved her arms. "You are not going to believe it! The ghosts appeared," she let out a giggle, "and Dipper had to—"

She got the pleading look Dipper sent her. Her face turned to Itachi and she found him looking at her too, his eyes soft and shaking his head 'no'. "Uh," _Quick quick quick think come up with a lie—_

"Uh… Dipper just grabbed a bat, and just started beating ghosts down, left and right, and the ghost got all scared, and ran away like a couple of little girls, it was insane!"

Dipper raised his eyebrows. She left out the part with the force field. Huh.

(He really needed a chat with Itachi someday.)

"Alright! Dr. Funtimes!" Nate's voice cut off his string of thoughts and Dipper was thrown back into the present. He sneaked a glance towards Wendy.

She zipped her lips.

Surprised and relieved, he sent her the same gesture and smiled shyly.

Itachi only sent him a very amused look. Dipper guessed he and Mabel will confront him right the next morning.

 _Today was a success, hah._

###

Dipper resisted snorting into his nonexistent cup of coffee. He could see Itachi's hand quivering from behind the tissue holder, trying very hard not to laugh.

"Lazy Susan! There's my little ray of sunshine! Where were you yesterday?" Stan said and they had to double their forces. Itachi was very still, with the exception of his hand and Itachi had to pinch his leg from under the table several times. Mabel had her eyes wide open and she stared at Lazy Susan unashamedly.

"I got hit by a bus!" Susan declared, making Stan erupt a series of noises that could classify as laugher if he wasn't so… Well, Stan-ish.

"Is this the 'flirting' Mabel-san talks about?" Itachi whispered next to him. They were at the Greasy Dinner, the little eatery run by a woman whose name was, apparently, Lazy Susan. Dipper shook his head and whispered back, careful not to let Grunkle Stan hear.

"This? Hah, this hardly counts, trust me. I've seen better attempts done by Mabel and that's saying something."

"You do split plates, right?" Stan asked, cutting off Itachi's replying murmur. Susan winked at him (or tried to, Dipper had never seen a person needing their hand to wink).

"Maybe… Wink!"

"Great! We'll all split a one-fourth of the number seven, plus a free salad dressing for the lady, a small plate of ketchup for the boy, and some mustard for the bigger kid."

"What?" Mabel shot him a disbelieving look. "But Grunkle Stan, I want pancakes!" She whined. Dipper had to agree with his sister and prepared to make a remark.

"With the fancy flour they use these days? What am I, made of money?" Ironically, a dollar bill shows out of Stan's sleeve. He taps it back into his sleeve, unaware of Itachi's lightning quick hand that snatches out the bill when Stan looked away.

Mabel _awwwed_ , secretly winking at Itachi. Itachi only raised his eyebrows, as if saying _'What?'_ and tucked the dollar bill under the tissue holder. They'll spend it later when Stan is gone.

It would take some time until he is, however, so Dipper decided to take responsibility on his shoulders. "Don't worry guys, pancakes are on me. I'm gonna win some by beating that manliness tester." He said, ignoring Mabel's arms waving and pointing in the direction of the tissue holder.

"Manliness Tester?" Grunkle asks, oblivious to Mabel's obvious signals.

She stops, giving up when she sees Dipper's 'determination' look. "Beating?" She mimics Stan's tone, and before long, they burst out laughing.

Stan wheezes. "He says he's... he says he…" Another wave of laughing. Dipper frowned.

"What? What's so funny?"

"Oh, no offense Dipper," his sister takes a breathing break from her laughter, "but you're not exactly 'Manly Mannington.' "

"Hey, I am too!" He protests. I am 'Manly... Manny' or whatever it is you said."

Stan is sympathetically mocking in his direction. "Look, face the music, kid. You got no muscles, you smell like baby wipes, and let's not forget last Tuesday's…" He pauses, shaking. "Incident."

He fails to keep his sister out of it. "You were listening to girly Icelandic pop sensation "BABBA"?" Mabel asks, feeling another wave of laughter coming through.

"No!" Dipper waves his hands and tries not to shrink under Itachi's interested glance. "Heh heh, I wasn't. It's not important. Look, come on guys, I'm plenty masculine. You see this chest hair?" He brings down his shirt to show his chest.

Itachi is instantly wincing and Mabel is waving her hands and trying to protect her eyes. "Put it away, put it away!" She screams, almost falling off her seat.

"So smooth! My eyes!"

"Dipper-san, could you, ah, please cover your chest." Itachi's eyes are visibly burning and his voice is strained.

Dipper obeys, ignoring the renewed laughter of his relatives. "Fine, 'family of little faith'! Get ready to eat your words." He stands up, ignoring the way Itachi's brows droop in concern. "And a plate of delicious pancakes." He says and walks over to the manliness tester.

"Alright, Dipper. Time to manhandle this...man handle…" He cheers himself on, before grabbing the handle.

###

Aaaaaand he fails. Badly. Manly Dan wins free pancakes for everyone, so technically his family _is_ eating pancakes as he promised… He just didn't expect it's going to be this way.

"I need to get some chest hair and fast." Dipper decided and in that one moment, he was gone.

Stan rolls his eyes. "Yeesh! How am I related to that?"

Mabel wiggles her eyebrows. "Come on, Grunkle Stan. I'm sure deep down you have a soft side too."

Stan snorts. "Ha! Nothing in here but a cold, dark, empty soul." He reassures her.

"Pines-sama, that is a lie."

"Hah, have you seen me? I don't even _have_ a soul!"

Right then, their food comes. Lazy Susan waltz in with a cheery "Food!" and Mabel could feel the sudden warmness radiating off her Grunkle. It felt… weird.

"Thanks there, sugar pot." Stan stumbles halfway through, entertaining everyone else at the table with his antics. "I-I mean, I mean uh honey wasp, kitten baby, b-baby cow."

Susan takes no notice but only laughs. "Ha ha! Silly!" She walks away with half of their food still on her tray. "Silly man!"

Mabel is in action the moment she disappears, interrogating Stan. "What was that about?"

"Nothing." Comes the quick reply. "I don't wanna talk about it. Talk about what? Why is this table wet?"

Itachi is not impressed with his feeble attempt at changing the topic. Neither is Mabel.

"Wait just a second. I think I have an idea happening here. You…" She rubs her chin. Stan's panic is clear in his darting eyes.

"No!"

"And her…"

"Stop it!"

Mabel screams in delight. Stan twitches, before sighing in defeat. "Oh boy…"

"You have a thing for Lazy Susan! You do have a soft side!" Stan presses his finger over her lips, shushing Mabel.

"Keep it down, will ya?! Alright. I admit it, okay? It would be nice if she liked me. But I've been out of the game for so long I wouldn't know where to start. I mean, look at her. She's so classy."

"Grunkle Stan, you are a cranky, gross, weird old man." Mabel begins earnestly. Itachi nods in agreement and Stan bristles. "But we will get Lazy Susan to like you because nothing is stronger than the power of—"

"Love?" Both he and Itachi finish at the same time.

Mabel shakes her head. "Nope. The power of Mabel. To victory!"

###

"Okay, Grunkle Stan. Welcome to the first day of whatever is left of your life! First, a before picture."

 _Flash!_

Stan screams and almost falls out of his chair, where he had been shuffling cards. Mabel shoots him a grin and continues, Itachi appearing behind her out of nowhere.

"I never miss a scrapbookertunity!" She takes the scrapbook from Itachi's hands because _of course he would've been holding it, what else would he be doing._ She slaps the photo on one of the pages. "Deedly dum, memories. Let's start out with some roleplaying. Soos will play Lazy Susan."

She points Wendy and Soos behind them because _of course they had to appear out of nowhere too_. Soos pats his stomach. "I'm soft, like a woman."

Stan stares at them. Not much for the first impression of a woman, but he didn't have a word in this, so he suppose he had to trust Mabel. Horrible decision, really, but he had no choice.

Mabel continued. "Grunkle Stan, show me how you approach a woman. Remember this is a safe, non-judgemental environment. I'll just be right off the side judging you on a scale from one to ten."

"Can I borrow some money?" Stan spits to the side and holds out a hand.

Silence.

"That was horrible, Pines-sama." Ah, Itachi was brutally honest as always. Mabel shrugged. Not exactly damaging the situation. She blew her whistle and everyone winced.

"This is gonna be harder than I thought."

###

"Alright! Let's try to get that inner beauty on the outside. Smile harder." Mabel said. Pause. "Harder!" Another pause. "Perfect! There we go. Soos, Itachi! Come here!"

The said men appear next to her (Mabel suspects Itachi taught Soos that, but right now isn't the time). "Sup, hambone," Soos calls out a greeting, chewing on a sandwich. Itachi only bows

"Wha'd'you think?"

Confused silence. Then—

" _AAAAAHHHH!_ " Soos drops his sandwich and promptly runs away. Itachi twitches, looking uncomfortable and somehow manages to disappear without any of them noticing.

"This is going to take some really great training music."

###

"Lazy Susan. Listen: I know he's not much to look at, but you're always fixing stuff in the diner, and if you like fixing stuff, nothing can use more fixing than my Grunkle Stan! Also, women live longer than men so your dating pool is smaller and you should really lower your standards." Mabel finishes off her explanation.

Itachi nods helpfully and adds, "Pines-sama might be a crook, but he has a soul. And we promise to keep him in check."

Stan scratches his head, slightly worried about Itachi's promise. "So, Lazy Susan, what do you say?" He asks.

Her footsteps are quieter and quieter as she walks away. Itachi winces, patting Stan's back and Mabel is in the middle of comforting him when Susan returns before any of them could leave the eatery.

"Heeeeyyyy! Here's my number. Why don't you give me a call some time?" She says and hands Grunkle a piece of paper. It takes him a worrying amount of time to compress what had happened. Mabel suspects if Itachi wasn't so well mannered, he might facepalm.

It finally reaches Stan's mind. "Really?" He asks, disbelieving and very surprised.

Lazy Susan laughs. "Really! Haha!" She fumbles, before taking a plate out of nowhere. "Also, here's some pie. On the house. For you!"

And with that, she's off.

The trio is in stunned silence. And then—

" _EEEEEEEEEEEEE!_ We did it! When are you gonna call? You wanna call now? I don't have a phone. Let's buy a phone! We can put it on a credit card. Let's get a credit card." Mabel is first to break their silence and Itachi's lips curl upward. She pauses, mesmerized at the rare gesture, before whooping once more.

Stan cuts her off. "Mabel! Let a man enjoy his pie, huh?" He complains to her, but they all can see that he's pleased.

Dipper takes this as the right time to suddenly be seen outside from the window of the eatery. Mabel screeches and waves at him. " _Dipper!_ It's me, Mabel! I'm looking at you through this glass! Right here! This is my voice! I'm talking to you from inside!" Her excited wave is mimicked by Itachi, though much less vigorous and more self-reserved.

Dipper nods and motions Mabel to calm down. In a few moments, he is already inside and walking over to their table. Itachi eyes him with interest and voices the silent question. "Where were you?"

"Did you see me through the-?" Mabel asks simultaneously. Dipper is torn between answering both questions until at last, he settles on a simple "Yes."

Already from his tone of voice Mabel can sense something's wrong. Itachi furrows his brows in concern and Mabel tilts her head. "What's wrong?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

Stan chews on his pie and hums in satisfaction. "Good," is his simple reply and Itachi glares at him.

Dipper spills everything at once instantly. "It's just these half man half bull humanoids were hanging out with me…

"Here we go…" Stan interrupts, earning himself another glare, this time from Mabel. Dipper continues as if he didn't notice.

"But then they wanted me to do this really tough, horrible thing but it just wasn't right. So I said no." He concludes.

"You were your own man and you stood up for yourself." Stan suddenly speaks up. Itachi shoots him a surprised look. Mabel mouths _'Having a girlfriend must've really changed him,'_ and Itachi's eyebrows raise even higher. Dipper is as startled as them.

"Huh?"

"Well, you did what was right even when no one agreed with ya. Sounds pretty manly to me but, what do I know?"

So apparently Stan wasn't as cold as he seemed. Dipper grinned for the first time this day, his spirits lifted. Itachi is obviously glad and no longer glaring. Mabel gasps.

"Wait a minute, do my eyes deceive me?" She squints before her eyes open even wider. "You have a chest hair!" She declares.

Confusion takes over Dipper's face and then—

"Oh my god! You're right! I do! Haha, this is amazing! I really do! Take that, man tester! Take that, Pituitor!"

"Pituitor?"

Dipper ignores Stan. "This guy has chest hair!" He whoops out. And then cries out in pain as Mabel takes out pincers and pulls out his single hair. She grins.

"Scrap-book ortunity!"

"Don't worry kid," their Grunkle reassures him before Dipper could even try to whine. "If you're anything like me, there's more where that came from." He rips open his dirty shirt, exposing all the grey hair inside.

Itachi turns pale and Dipper can see him twitching. His own eyes burn and he dies to shield them. "Oh _gross_!"

Mabel bursts out laughing and Stan catches on. Dipper gives out small chuckles before turning serious again. "Seriously, that's disgusting." He makes a face. Itachi resists the urge to nod in agreement, before they all burst out laughing again.

Today was another good day.

###

Sheesh, I feel like these chapters get worse and worse each time huh. I should probably stop using the transcript as a guide, huh. I really hope I don't loose subs for this, haha… Ha…

I did, didn't I?

Well anyways, I swear I'll get better. The next two episodes are going to be Double Dipper and perhaps Irrational Treasure. Feel free to review the episodes you're anxious to see and the moments you want to read!


	5. It's Party Time!

**Gravity Falls, Season 1 Episodes #7 Double Dipper and #8 Irrational Treasure. It is advised to go watch these before reading the story.**

" _Blaaarrghhhhh!"_ Dipper screamed as he sprayed his can of Silly String all over Mabel's face. She giggled before aiming her own can and squeezing her stomach.

"Ohhh, Grunkle Stan, what did you feed us? _Blaaarrghhhhh!"_

" _Blaarrghhhhhhh!"_

" _Blaaarrgggggghhhhh!"_

" _BlaaaaaaarrghhhhhhhhahahahahaHAHA!"_

"Ah! Dipper-san, Mabel-san, are you alright?" A new voice entered the room. The twins twist their head at the exact same time, before grinning and waving at Itachi.

"Oh hey there 'Tachi! We're just playing around with some Silly String." Mabel explained before spraying even more string at Dipper's face. He laughed and pushed her off the couch.

Amusement glittered in Itachi's eyes before he regarded their faces carefully. "Then…" He hesitated. "Then it's just a game? Both of you are feeling alright?"

"Yeah, of course, Itachi!" Dipper said from where he still sat on the couch. Mabel stuck her tongue at him. "You never seen Silly String?"

"Well… I do not recognize it in any ways possible."

"Oh my _god_ , Dipper, he doesn't know!" Mabel screamed from where she was lying on the floor. "We _have_ to teach him."

Dipper nodded and handed Itachi his own can. "Alright, you press here and the string comes out of this hole. Careful not to point at yourself, hah. Yes, good! Now, aim."

 _Skkkrrrt!_

"Whoa, you sure do have good aim." Mabel's voice was muffled by the wall of string that Itachi had plastered all over her face. "But mine is better!"

A full blown out battle took place right after Mabel's magical grin, enveloping all three of them in colorful string by the time it ended. Dipper himself decided he did pretty well, considering Mabel's 'injuries' were much larger and common. He only had a green splotch plastered over his chest and some pink wads of string above his left eye and all over his forehead, cheek, and chin. Well, along with several small hits. Not worth mentioning.

So in short, he did pretty good.

At least, he thought so, until he saw Itachi.

Dipper's jaw dropped as he stared at Itachi's string trauma — or rather, the lack of it. Itachi had zero amounts of string on his person, and by that, absolutely _none_.

"H-how?" Dipper forced out, blinking his eyes in confusion. Itachi tipped his head at him in confusion. He rushed to correct himself. "I mean, the string. How did you even manage to evade all of it? _Oh my god how."_

Mabel also stared curiously at Itachi's clearly untouched clothes. "Some kind of a magic trick?"

Itachi shrugged his shoulder a fraction of an inch. "I do not do magic. Only reflexes."

"Uh huh, surely you don't have such fast reflexes." Dipper said, tapping his forehead.

Itachi shrugged again. "Reflexes," he insisted and Dipper decided to let go of the argument.

"Eh, fine. I guess you're a ninja or something, haha." He said and blew a raspberry. "Eughhh, this silly string war is tiring as heck. Wake me up when the guests come in." Dipper concluded and curled up on the sofa, his body slowly relaxing and falling asleep.

Until Mabel and Itachi scooped up the ice cubes from the lemonade stand for guests and shoved them down his neck.

 _War meant war._

###

"Alright party people... and Dipper. Let's talk business. Soos, because you'll work for free, and you begged, I'm lettin' you be DJ."

"You won't regret it, Mr. Pines! I got this book to teach me how to _DJ R-R-Right!_ "

"Not encouraging. Wendy, you and Mabel will work at the ticket stand."

Itachi's lips quirked up into the smallest of amused smiles. Dipper was sure if he have blinked this exact moment, he wouldn't have seen it.

"What? But Grunkle Stan, this party is my chance to make new friends!" Mabel whined into his ear where she was standing next to him.

When Dipper sees a chance, he grabs it. "I... I could work with Wendy." He mutters and pretends not to see Itachi curl his lips even more.

Stan stares at him, skeptical, and rolls his eyes. "You realize that if you do," Dipper felt oddly transparent, "you gotta commit to stay in at the ticket stand with Wendy. No getting out of it, just the two of you, alone, _all night_."

Oh boy, this was going to be fun. "I-I promise."

Stan turned his gaze away to Itachi. "And you," he started and Dipper had to hold in his snickers when Itachi's-almost-smile dropped away instantly. "You will pose as a guest and spread the word at how amazing and fun this party is. Understood?"

"Yes, Pines-sama."

Stan shivered. "Ugh, don't call me that. Gives me the creeps for some reason."

###

"Laugh all you want, but I devised a plan to make sure my night with Wendy goes perfect." Dipper declared and both Mabel and Itachi raised their brows in unison. "What? Don't look so doubting!"

"Plan?" Mabel dragged out. "Oh, you're not making one of those overcomplicated listy things, are you?"

Dipper waved her off. "Psh. Over complicated? Let me just…" _Crinkle crinkle_ goes the little piece of paper. Itachi's eyebrows raise even higher when the apparently not-so-little-anymore list unfolds into a gigantic file.

"Alright, fold that there, kay. Step one, getting to know each with playful banter. Banter is like talking but smarter." Dipper said, waving his hands for emphasis.

"Ah," is the only thing Itachi says.

Mabel frowns and sticks out her tongue at her brother. "That sounds like a dumb idea for poopheads." She tells him and Dipper scowls.

"Yeah, see? This isn't banter." He turns around and faces Itachi, sending him an _'God why did I do to deserve this,'_ look. "This is what I want to avoid with Wendy. The final step is to ask her to dance. I follow steps one through eleven, nothing can get in my way!"

"But why do you need a list to approach Wendy-san?"

Mabel nods in agreement. "Yeah, Itachi right. Dipper, you're the one getting in your way. Why can't you just walk up and talk to her like a normal person?" Her brows droop at her brother's foolishness. Itachi seems to come to a similar conclusion and he looks _this_ close to face palming.

Dipper only grins obnoxiously at them and points at a random spot in his list ( _and god, why does he need to use_ lists _? Were normal planner diagrams not enough?)_ "Step 9, sister!" He wiggled his eyebrows and Itachi facepalmed for real this time.

###

The cheer from the crowd and the loud music did nothing to comfort Itachi. Mabel winced, watching Itachi out of the corner of her eye as his posture remained on edge. _He looks like there are enemies all around him_.

Of course she had no idea how much truth was in that thought.

Mabel put down her drink, relying on Soos to keep track of it (though, the question of how was he going to do it from across the room, never crossed her mind). After living with Itachi for a large amount of time, she learned to notice and read his minuscule sighs, lip quirks, eyebrow raises — his little signs of emotions and understand what they meant.

Right now Itachi looked like his nerves were in a frazzle.

She called out a greeting and Itachi's head snapped to her, before his shoulders relaxed slightly. He breathed a sigh of relief. "Mabel-san. How are you?"

"Uh huh, I'm pretty good, this party's _amazing_ — but the real question is, how are _you_?"

She's sure he understood, even if he never showed it. "I am fine. But…" Mabel caught a glimpse of his fists curling and something shiny being whipped out of sight. "I do not like crowds. It is unsafe."

"Do you want to go sit somewhere less crowded? Like, uh, oh hey, that couch over there!"

Itachi followed her pointed finger. "Sure." His posture lost some of its previous tenseness as they squeezed past the dance floor and onto the sparser area.

Mabel flashed him a grin. "Anyways," she whipped out a random conversation topic, "You won't _believe_ what I saw yesterday. So I like, couldn't sleep and I had to go pee so I stood up from my bed and was about to walk to the bathroom, right? Well, I never made it. Because, guess what…"

She let her voice take over, droning over silly and lighthearted times. By the time she was done, Itachi looked much better. The tenseness eased around his shoulders completely and he looked content.

Mabel counted that as a win. And as she continued her loud, crazy stories, she missed Itachi's grateful look.

 _'Thank you, Mabel-san.'_

###

"Remember dudes, who ever, um, parties hardies, _what_? Uh, gets the party crown! Most applause at the end of the night wins!"

With his microphone, Soos's voice is easily heard all across the party area. Mabel's eyes sparkle. A party _crown?Never had one of_ these _before. Must. Get. It._

Then her eyes fell on Itachi who was lounging on the couch next to her. Guilt instantly replaced excitement and she hastily tried to cover her emotions. Too late, her face scrunched up as Itachi's eyes roam over her face. He saw. _He saw, oh my god, I was supposed to be a good friend how could I even think of dumping him when he's in such uncomfortable—_

The understanding look in his eyes surprised her. Mabel blinks, before squinting. Itachi only tipped his head in a friendly manner. "Go," he says and Mabel has to hold herself from rushing off. "I'll be fine. Win that crown."

Mabel blinked again, slightly surprised her eyes were moist, before wrapping her arms around Itachi's waist. He returns her hug tightly and pretends not to notice his shirt had two small wet marks on it.

"Thank you, thank you, _thank you_ , Itachi! I promise I'll do my best!"

His eyes only crinkled in a small smile as she sped off, her promise not going unnoticed.

 _Now, where was the other twin he should take care of?_

###

"Itachi! You're exactly the person I need, bless your talent of appearing in right places at the right times!" Dipper said as he waved his hands at the soon-to-be-suffering teen. The people still in line at his stand stop shouting for a moment and turn their heads.

"Ah," came the curt reply. Itachi eyed the crowd warily. "What do you want me to do, Dipper san?"

"I really need you to cover for me for some time, I'll be quick, I promise, it's just, uh, Wendy's in there and you _know_ I have a crush on her so please please _please_ help me out?"

Itachi's eyebrow raised and his eyes flashed to the roll of tickets in Dipper's palm. " 'Some time'? How much is 'some time'?"

"Argh, fine! I'll be back in a few minutes. Just cover for me, please. I just need to be in two places at once."

"Something tells me I will regret it later on." Itachi said, before sighing at Dipper's large and very effective puppy eyed look. "Be quick."

Dipper _beams_ at him and rushes off, muttering something about printers. Itachi has enough dignity not to roll his eyes and takes a seat behind the stand. The crowd stares at him for a moment, before breaking off and regaining their focus. Itachi ducks under a couple of arms waving their open palms in front of him. Itachi grips the ticket roll.

If Dipper was not here before ten minutes pass, he will _murder_ him.

###

All of the people filtered inside by the time Dipper came back. Itachi was glad, because it was nearing to _seven_ minutes and he really didn't want to stay here for any longer. He raised his palm in a greeting, before his heart stopped in its track, his stomach gone cold.

 _This wasn't Dipper_.

In less than a second he had already pulled out a dozen of kunai, shuriken, and senbon. In a surprise attack, he shunshined right behind not-Dipper and aimed the sharp metal at the most ELEPHANT IMPORTANT I FORGOT THE WORd areas and pressed ever so slightly.

" _Who are you?_ " Itachi hissed at the duplicate.

The duplicate surprisingly had almost identical traits to Dipper. It took him a moment to get his reflexes going and when it did, the duplicate trembled his fingers in the same way Dipper did when he was afraid.

"I-itachi?" The not-Dipper said, something that was hard to do when there was a kunai pressed to your throat. "What — what the heck are you doing?" The duplicate's chakra flared, something that the people of this town could only do when in high emotional state, similar to civilians.

Itachi's heart stopped.

This chakra, the structure of it… Oh Kami-sama, oh no, _this was a clone._

 _How did Dipper learn bunshin?_

 _Was Dipper a ninja?_

 _What if he was an enemy disguised under a powerful henge?_

Millions of question rushed through Itachi's mind, but as only the original could create copies of themselves and he could not detect any henge techniques, this had to be Dipper in some twisted way.

His stomach plummeted when he remembered clones could carry memories back to the original.

Itachi let go instantly, hiding his weapons out of sight. Dipper's bunshin wobbled on one leg, rubbing the spot Itachi had pressed one of his senbon in. Itachi's eyes flickered at the clone's cap, which lacked the signature pine tree and had a _2_ instead.

Dipper's clone finally came to his senses and glared at Itachi. "God, what was that, Itachi? You trying to kill me or something?"

"Ah," _come up with something quick quick quick_ , "I did not recognize you." _Technically a white lie, he should go straight to the point_ , "Who are you?"

Dipper's clone did not even bother to hide his uncomfortableness. Or either did not know how to. Honestly, Itachi was still not used to the weird _civilian-ness_ of this world.

"I-I'm Dipper, of course! Didn't you recognize me?" The clone scratched his neck.

"Explanation. Now. Who taught you?"

This time, the clone frowned confusedly. "Taught me? What do you mean? No one taught me."

"Then explain. Why do you have a clone of yourself?"

"I'm not a clone!"

Itachi's brows furrowed and he took a step forward. "I do not want to hurt you. But you are Dipper's clone and you need to tell me."

His menacing posture did the job. The clone sighed, giving up, and promptly plopped on the ground. "Fine. I _am_ Dipper's clone, he calls me Tyrone."

"How did he create you?"

"Uh huh. There was an old copier in Grunkle's attic that could copy anything. So he copied himself, since you didn't want to man the stand for long and Wendy was already inside."

Itachi did a slow inhale. Then he exhaled and gazed sternly at Tyrone. "I _know_ Dipper. He is going to try and get more clones to help." Standing up, he pulled Tyrone behind the counter. "Stay here. I need to go and stop Dipper-san before he messes up."

###

"You." Itachi's gaze pierces holes through Dipper's body.

Dipper's head snaps around. "Itachi?" He asks, tipping his head, confused. "What are you doing here? Didn't Tyr— I mean, uh, I go and replace you?"

"You are not a very good liar, Dipper-san." Itachi points out. Dipper shrinks into himself.

Before he could answer, however, his large group of clones tumbled around the corner. Itachi's eyes widen almost comically as all of them glare at the original Dipper.

"Hey! What are you doing up here? Number 10 has been distracting Soos for 15 minutes; he's gonna get tired of that dot eventually!" They say in unison, before a dozen pair of eyes flicker to Itachi.

A moment of awkward silence.

"I— I can explain!" Dipper rushes the words out and waves his hands.

"I see you got a lot of friends here, Dipper-san."

"No no no, you see, I did not intend to make this on purpose, I _swear_ , but Grunkle has this weird machine in the attic and—"

"I don't actually have a lot of friends, haha, but then again I'm only a clone—"

"Yeah, number ten, you were printed out only a few minutes ago…"

"This is not the time, guys! We got more important matters right now! Wendy, remember?"

At the last sentence, all of the Dippers' heads turn. The original Dipper blinks confusedly before his face lights up.

"Hey, about that, you won't believe it guys! I bumped into Wendy accidentally and things are actually going great!" He waves his hands at them and beams.

Tyrone, the second clone, narrows his eyes ( _when did he have time get here, Itachi left him only a minute ago, why can't none of the Dippers every listen to him?)_ and takes a step forward. "That's nice, but not the plan. Do we have to remind you?"

"Oh man, you guys sound crazy. Look, maybe we don't need the plan anymore, you know? Maybe I could just go talk to her like a normal person." Dipper says and the clones all gasp simultaneously.

"You bite your tongue!" One of the them protests and the rest pick up not even a moment after.

"If you're not gonna stick to the plan, maybe you shouldn't be the Dipper to dance with Wendy!"

"Yeah…"

"If you think about it, Number Five has a point…"

"Definitely…"

"You know, I think I like this new plan…"

Dipper narrows his eyes warily and there is an underlying suspicious in his voice. "Guys, c'mon. We said we weren't gonna turn on each other."

Tyrone stares at him. "I think we all knew we were lying." He says and then he _lunges_.

Several things happened at once.

Itachi was in front of Dipper in an instant, a projectile of weapons shooting at every other clone. The original Dipper tries to peek out from behind Itachi's eyes, but is only driven farther behind when Itachi's elbow almost hits him between his eyes.

The clones advance _fast_. But Dipper had to admit, Itachi was _faster_. It seemed as if he had clones of his own, though that would be near to impossible, considering he never knew about the copier.

Something grabs Dipper just as he was in the middle of his theory about Itachi. He can't help the shriek that escapes him and is promptly punched in the nose. His head feels light instantly. Itachi whirls around, delivering a roundhouse kick without missing a beat and sends the attacking clone into a wall.

"Dipper-san! Are you alright?" Itachi kneels before Dipper, trying to catch his eyes.

Dipper has to blink several times before his vision clears. He faintly feels something wet on his face ( _blood, most likely,_ his brain whispers but Dipper isn't listening) and tries to grin.

"Whoa Itachi, I knew you could fight but I never imagined it like that." He says and Itachi breathes a sigh of relief. "Though I think my vision is still doubling. Tripling. Ugh."

The three Itachi's in front of him tip their head in confusion before suddenly, the other two erupt in a puff of smoke. Everywhere around Dipper there are weird paper puddles. He faintly remembers Itachi doing the hand thing again.

 _I'm definitely going crazy_ , decides Dipper and promptly loses consciousness.

###

He awakes to Itachi's face that staring at him only a few inches away. After screaming for a minute, both of them finally calm down and Itachi fills in Dipper on what happened. It takes them a while, with Dipper constantly interrupting but Itachi is patient and they manage to make it till the end.

"So huh, I guess Mabel has two brand-new friends now? Is that why I'm on your couch?"

Itachi nods. "They had a 'sleepover'. I am unsure about the intention of it, but Mabel-san insisted I leave and take you with me."

"Hah, typical Mabel." Dipper says, rolling his eyes fondly before turning serious again. "So uh, what about Wendy?"

Itachi's face remained passive and Dipper's shoulders eased in relief. He knew Itachi wouldn't judge. Itachi will understand.

 _Itachi was like an older brother_ , his brain registered for him, but he didn't have enough time to think about it when Itachi spoke.

"She spent the party talking to Robbie. I do not know anything else."

"Oh." Dipper said. He sighed. "Guess this is another failed attempt."

Itachi frowned. "I think that you should stop trying to attract Wendy-san like that." At Dipper's surprised glance, he elaborated, "Your list. It is useless. We are people — not robots. It is impossible to predict everything."

Dipper blinked in surprise, before sighing and deflating. "I know. Mabel was right, I do get in my own way."

"Perhaps you should stop and gain courage to talk to her without your guidelines?"

"Yeah. Perhaps you're right." Dipper said, before his face alight with a smile. "Thanks, Itachi. That really helped."

"You are welcome." And then, as if he felt he had to add something but was not sure what, "You are free to express your emotions in my presence."

"Haha, love you too, big bro." The words came out of Dipper's mouth before he noticed. And then it hit him.

Wait _, what?_

###

Isn't it funny how I said I'll update every few days or so and then disappear for a month? No? Okay then.

Anyways, here is an update you all were not waiting for! Apparently I got two chapters already written out but I forgot to post.

Oops.

Please review if you can, I love getting reviews!


	6. President's Back In Town

For the second time in his life, Dipper felt sharp fingertips pierce into his forearm. He winced, already losing the feel of blood, before smiling awkwardly at Itachi.

"Heh, still don't like driving. I thought by this time you'd get used to it." He said and tried to pull his arm away.

Itachi did not answer and continued holding onto Dipper. He was paler than usual and every time they made a sharp turn, Itachi's breath spiked higher.

Though, of course, Dipper couldn't blame him. Grunkle Stan was always violent with his driving, but today he was extra brutal. They made another sharp turn to the left and he could hear Stan screaming from the front seat.

Dipper topples over and makes a second attempt to get his arm out of Itachi's grip. "Grunkle Stan, what's going on?" He asks, a burning suspicion that they ran over someone lingering in his mind.

Stan did not answer, only continued to manhandle the wheel. A few moments later, he answered. "We gotta get outta here. Before it's too late!" He declares.

Itachi finally let go of Dipper, the poor boy's arm aching while the blood in his body gained access to his arm once again. He examined the deep, fingernail-shaped marks on his skin, before turning back to Itachi.

"Oi, no Itachi, get back here—"

Mabel came to his rescue, and together, they managed to haul the senior back into the back seats from where he was trying to fling himself out of the window. The car they were riding in suddenly made a full three-sixty degree turn and all of the toppled over.

"They've circled the wagons! We're trapped! _Nooooooooo_!" Stan wailed. Dipper pushed himself up from under Mabel, from where they toppled over like dominos and landed on Itachi. Itachi himself helped them back up, before finally opening the car door and crawling out.

Mabel grinned at Dipper. "I've got a good feeling about today."

###

"Wow! Look! Candle dipping!" Mabel pressed her hands against her cheeks and stared amazedly at some stands several feet from them. Dipper followed her gaze and his eyebrows raised in excitement.

"Whoa, gold panning!" He said, his eyes following the string of _more_ stands farther up the road. Itachi appeared beside him, already recovered from their crazy car ride and gave out a confused hum.

"Bird marriage?" He asked, he and Mabel both turning instinctively to Dipper (the-all-knowing). Dipper held their gaze for a second, stumped, before blinking back to reality and taking out the familiar journal from under his vest.

"Oh yeah! I remember this." He fumbles slightly, trying to find the right page. Itachi looks over his shoulder. "In Gravity Falls it used to be legal to marry woodpeckers."

"Oh, it's still legal. _Very_ legal." Comes a random voice from behind them. Itachi whirls around almost instantly and stares at the newcomer with the same born perched on his shoulder. Dipper could see Itachi still twitching even as the woodpecker man walked away.

He resisted a laugh. "Yeah, you could find weird things like that in Gravity Falls." Itachi, still creeped out by the queer union of a bird and a man, only shivered.

###

"Howdy, everyone! You all know me, Pacifica Northwest, great-great granddaughter of town-founder, Nathaniel Northwest." Itachi watched as a young female, perhaps the same age as Mabel, walked on stage.

The audience clapped and Pacifica dared to go even farther. "I'm also very rich. Now," Itachi promptly ignored the unreasonable applause. "If you've got the pioneer spirit, we ask you come on up and introduce yourself!"

Mabel gasped beside him and Dipper could already _feel_ the uncomfortable twist in his stomach. "I don't know, Mabel," He scratched his head. "Isn't that girl kinda like your arch-enemy?" Dipper tried to reason.

Itachi frowned in agreement. "Northwest-san was…" He paused, searching for a right word in his surprisingly large vocabulary of English words. " _Spiteful_ to you during the party."

Mabel blowed a raspberry and waved her hands at them. "Psh, that's water under the bridge." She laughed. Dipper watched, worry clear in his posture, as she ran onstage. Itachi stood next to him, his hand on Dipper's shoulder as they watched Mabel.

Apparently, Pacifica either had problems with her eyesight or she was actually as friendly as she appeared to be. Dipper furrowed his brows as the girl waved her hands and asked the audience to welcome the newcomer.

Ah, no, she had problems with eyesight after all.

Dipper watched as Pacifica practically _spit_ out Mabel's name, his gut instinctively telling him this was a bad idea. Itachi's hand tightened around his shoulder in worry.

Mabel seemed not to notice as she pranced on stage and manhandled the microphone out of Pacifica's hands. "Yeah!" She screamed into the microphone. Itachi winced the slightest bit. "Let's get this Pioneer Day started! Right guys? USA! USA!

"USA! USA!" The audience chanted after her obediently.

And then, just as Dipper slowly relaxed and decided that _no, Mabel absolutely rocks the stage_ , Pacifica decided to barge in and ruin everything.

"I'm sorry to break it to you, but Pioneer Day is for serious people," She started and Itachi took a step forward. Dipper held him back. "…look and act ridiculous. I mean, a puppy playing basketball? Are you always this silly?" She bit back mocking laugher.

Mabel realitates. "Hey, I can be serious!" She declares and forces on an emotion mask.

Pacifica only stares, unimpressed. "You do have nachos hanging from your ears, hon." She waves unenthusiastically at Mabel's new earrings.

Dipper can _feel_ the spirit squeezed out of his sister. In less than a moment, he's pushing past people and the audience, Itachi right on his heels as they reach Mabel while she's climbing off the stage. He wraps his hand around her shoulder, Itachi mirroring him from Mabel's other side.

"Hey, you okay?" Dipper asks and lightly squeezes her shoulder.

Mabel only sighs, mumbling something about candy and Dipper's heart _aches_. Itachi's head sharply turns back into the direction of the stage when Mabel isn't looking.

Dipper does not know what did Itachi do, but Pacifica's sudden shriek as she sidestepped the small black flame that engulfed the corner of the stage and the leftover red glow quickly shutting down from Itachi's eyes were explanation enough.

###

They were finally far away enough from the stage. Mabel took out a bag of candy somewhere out of her sweater (Itachi totally did not suspect she had hidden pockets). They say under a statue in a moment of silence, until finally, Mabel ate her share of candy.

And obviously, she was also the first one to speak.

"Dipper, can I ask you something? Do you think I'm silly?"

Dipper spits out the water that he was drinking from the water bottle that Itachi oh so helpfully provided. Itachi patted him on the back comfortingly as Dipper struggled to regain his breath.

He looks away, scratching his head. "Uh, _noooo?"_

"I knew it! The nacho earrings, the sweater. I thought I was being charming, but I guess people see me as a big joke." Mabel says and miserably throws off her nacho earrings. Itachi's lonely gaze follows the edible jewelry as they fly out on the ground.

"C'mon, Mabel, you love that sweater!"

"I did before Pacifica ruined it for me. She ruins everything!"

Dipper pushes his fist into the palm of his hand. "Pacifica," He spits out, angry and spiteful, _and dang it, why couldn't she just lay off the Pines family?_ "Why does she think that being related to the town founder means she can treat everyone like garbage. Someone needs to take her down a peg."

And then Itachi heaves a quiet gasp. The twins' heads snap towards him simultaneously because _when Itachi gasps, it's worthy to listen_.

Itachi blinks, before he finally manages to catch the memory. "Dipper-san," He dresses and Dipper tips his head in confusion, "I recall… Ah, we have read something about that in your cherished book."

It takes a moment, but then Dipper's eyes too, spark in realization. Mabel is left to stare at them. "Wait a minute! You're right Itachi, I feel like I read something about Pacifica's great-great grandfather before." He fumbles once more and takes out the Journal 3. "Of course! Oh, this is perfect. I-I mean, ahem, Mabel—"

He cleared his throat. "Mabel, I think this is the perfect time for revenge."

###

They stared at the peculiar exhibit in front of them. After 'breaking into' the museum, it was not particularly hard for them to find the triangular-wall-art-thing, but what proved a challenge was the fact that it was completely uncrackable.

Boring, at the most.

Dipper scratched his head. This was supposed to be the next clue leading them to the eight and a half president of the United States, but so far, it only looked like some abstract and completely useless piece of work.

He could _feel_ Itachi's gaze turning from determined to mildly interested.

They stare some more.

At some point, Mabel gets bored (quite predictable, to be honest) and retreats from the clue. Dipper could hear her blowing a raspberry when she suddenly let out a gasp. He is turning around in seconds, only to see—

Both her and Itachi lying on the bench upside down?

If the matter wasn't so serious, he would've laughed the way Itachi's intense gaze fit together with his upside down figure.

(Dipper has never thought much about his low ponytail.)

(Now that he thinks of it, how come it's so well cared for? Did Itachi use the same products as Mabel? _When does he have time, why is it so perfect_.)

"Whoa," he breathes, as soon as he is lying upturned on the bench as well. "Wait! It's not abstract, it's upside-down!" The final realization hits him like a truck.

Mabel's voice contains the same, if not higher amount of enthusiasm. "I think I've seen that statue at the cemetery," she tells them excitedly.

Itachi frowns as they reverse their positions to right side up. "You've been at the cemetery? How many times?"

Everyone ignores him. Itachi sighs, before following the twins out of the museum.

He'll ask her later.

###

"Okay, look out for booby traps." Dipper said as soon as they were inside the secret underground bunker of some sort. He looked around, trying to spot every possible crevice and clearing to make a good—

 _Click._

Dipper groans, turning to his sister and wondering what on Earth did she do again.

She stepped on a trap.

Great.

"Tranquilizer darts!" He screams at the top of his lungs, grabbing Mabel. Itachi is in front of them in mere moments and is taking out the queer pointy things _again_ , when suddenly, they're running.

Dipper leads them deeper underground, following the only path he could see. The steady _clink-clank_ of Itachi misdirecting and blocking the darts follows them as he shields them from any more. They manage to reach the end of the corridor and onto the safety zone.

Dipper heaves a sigh of relief. "Close call," he admits, before turning to Itachi. "Whoa, you never told me you could do _that_."

Mabel joins him. "Yeah, Itachi, that was awesome." She waves her hands in bad mimicry of Itachi fending off the tranquilizer darts. "Where did you learn that?"

Itachi does not reply. He is panting, his back rocking up and down as he struggles to breathe. He lets go of the metallic knife-alike thing that Dipper can distantly classify as a throwing star, before closing his eyes.

Dipper frowns in worry. He is about to ask if the older boy is okay, when Itachi suddenly crashes on the ground, his legs giving up from under him. And that's when Dipper sees it.

A lone dart sticking out from that _one_ unprotected place near Itachi's ankle.

His gut freezes all over and he's cursing in his mind, running over to Itachi as fast as his legs could carry him. Mabel is right behind him and together, they inspect their unofficial older brother.

"Hey, hey, Itachi, are you alright?" Mabel is first to speak and she shakes Itachi gently. He slightly opens one eyelid, before closing it again.

Some part far away in the back of his brain still has some common sense, and Dipper stops her shaking. "Mabel, I don't he can't answer you. The darts, I'm pretty sure these were injected with some strong type of drug."

"Is he gonna _die_?"

"Wha— No! Of course not!" Dipper waved his hands, his eyes wide. "I'm sure that whoever made this bunker didn't mean to _kill_ people."

He could see Mabel was still worried. She pressed her palm to Itachi's forehead. "I think he has a fever." She mumbled, before shaking her head. "Dipper, what are we gonna do?"

"I suppose we should abandon the mission on finding the town founder and get Itachi home. Do you have enough strength to carry half of him?"

"Half? Are we going to cut him in ha—"

 _"Stop right there!"_

The twins whirled around, surprised at the new voice. A flashlight shone into Dipper's eyes and he squinted.

"Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland?" Mabel gasped somewhere to his left. "What are you doing here? And how did you manage to find us?"

Clubs opened his mouth to answer, when his eyes suddenly landed on Itachi.

Pause.

"Oh boy, is he alright? Kids, never mind this whole town founder fiasco. Edwin?" Clubs called and Dipper could see Durland appear somewhere behind them. "We got a bigger matter."

"Are you going to help us?" Mabel asked, her voice full of wonder. Dipper was just as astounded — weren't the officers trying to catch them?

"Of course, young lady! Do you think we'll just leave you while this kid is knocked unconscious and lock you inside until you die of hunger?"

Silence.

"Oh _god_ , Edwin, they actually thought we're going to do that, _do we really seem like a bunch of heartless fools?_ "

###

They got arrested anyways. Well, not exactly arrested, decided Dipper. _Escorted_ to Washington.

In the baggage cart.

But the important thing was that they were finally out of this whole fiasco. Trembley was standing beside the twins, his pants nowhere in sight. To be honest, Dipper was too relieved with their escape off the train to care.

He doesn't know if he holds a grudge against Blubs and Durland. On one hand, they trapped them inside a crate. On the other hand, they were just doing their job, besides, as long as Itachi was safe and sound in their cabin, he couldn't find it in himself to blame them.

Speaking of Itachi, the raven had a nasty fever. Since escorting a sick teen who couldn't even stand on his feet was a horrible idea, Blubs and Durland have taken him along with them, in their cabin.

To say Dipper was worried would be an understatement. Honestly, Itachi should've been up and fine already, _Durland_ got hit with like a dozen of these darts and he's still fine. _Well, more or less_ , thought Dipper as they waved goodbye to the train and the officers. _But Itachi is so much stronger and fitter than him — why is he still unawake?_

He voiced his thoughts to Mabel, who was still waving even as the train has slowly became a dot in the distance.

She blinked at him, when he finished fretting. "I'm sure he'll be alright, Dipper. Deputy Durland is just… He's a police dude. Itachi will recover." She scratched her head. "Speaking of Itachi, where is he?"

"Didn't Blubs and Durland decide he was going to ride with them when they put us inside that stupid crate?" Something was not right. Dipper felt as if he has forgotten something — something important.

 _Oh shoot_.

And then he was running, sprinting after the train, a single thought of realization hitting him like a truck.

"Itachi! Oh god, Mabel, we left him in the cabin with Blubs and Durland!"

###

Ahahaha, I'm sorry for the glitching thing some of you might have seen in the first upload if this chapter. I hope I fixed it now so it should be all good!

Special thanks to the user nyancat that I forgot to include in the last chapter! Thank you so much for your kind words and support! And also, thank you to Mr Haziq who commented a few days ago and therefore reminded me that _oops, guess I forgot about posting_ —

A BIG THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED, FAVORITED, FOLLOWED, OR EVEN JUST READ! ILY ALL 33


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